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'Donna Martin Graduates' Hot damn! Ladies and gentlemen, Chelsea Marie Craddock is graduating college. This is something that really is a long time coming. Ah, it seems like only yesterday I was devising a plan to live under my bed so I wouldn’t have to go to high school — fortunately for me, the mini-fridge didn’t fit, so I ended up here. There was a lot of speculation through the years about whether I would graduate on time. Once again, my arch nemesis math was threatening my future. This past summer, my mom knew math was going to be an issue and gave me a talking to: “Donna Martin graduates,” she said. She then went on to say if I didn’t pass math and graduate on time, she’d kill me. I understand if you’re confused, so let me explain. Donna Martin — who is she? Let me take you back: the year — 1993, the zip code — 90210. That’s right, I’m talking about Aaron Spelling’s silver-screen gem — “Beverly Hills, 90210.” This show has had an incredible impact on the relationship I have with my mom. Last summer, I worked at a drive-in theater. Because my job was nights-only, I spent the better part of my afternoons watching Soapnet — back-to-back episodes of “The O.C.” and episodes of “Beverly Hills, 90210.” The day my mom gave me her “Donna Martin graduates” speech, I sat down for a double dose of “90210” and there it was — the episode. Donna Martin, West Beverly Hills High School’s resident goody-goody — portrayed by the ever-talented Tori Spelling — got drunk at prom. Now, up until this point, Donna never did anything wrong. She didn’t drink, didn’t smoke and was waiting until marriage to have sex. Drinking at prom was a huge scandal. Needless to say, the sloppy first-time drunk got caught by the principle and suspended. In retaliation, Donna’s friends (and eventually then entire senior and junior classes of West Beverly Hills High) walked out of finals and marched on the school board hearing. Guess what they were chanting? You guessed it — “DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!” The student revolt had an effect on school board officials and Donna ended up graduating. This has been my mother’s motto for me ever since. The minute I realized it was the same episode, I called my mom at work and told her it was on TV. We both took it as a sign and it’s been an inside joke ever since. However, over time my mom has taken this a little too far. My graduation party will now include napkins and a giant banner with the slogan printed on them. She also says it at least once every time we talk about my graduation. Other people have to be annoyed by now because my mom yells at me every chance she gets and now my father even says it. She’s also been telling me I had to write this column on this exact subject with this exact title, since September. So, here I am, the “new Donna Martin,” graduating from college. I’ve come a long way from my days of hiding under the bed. Now, I welcome the challenge of something new. I can’t wait to be done with college and move out of my parents’ house and live in my awesome new apartment. I need a change of venue. Of course, I can only hope that my post-college career has a lot less drama than Donna Martin’s post-high school career (although I wouldn’t mind having Jason Priestly or Luke Perry in my life). Thank you for reading my columns this year. I’ve enjoyed entertaining you with my randomness. Happy graduation to my fellow seniors, too — let’s just hope we find jobs. |
Luettger: Thanks for the memories Seef: Some advice for next year's student government Craddock: 'Donna Martin Graduates' Jennings: Germs multiply on keyboards Student studies abroad in 'bloody' Brockport |