The Final Grades
By The Editorial Board
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Illustration By TJ Cordes, STAFF CARTOONIST |
It’s that time of year all students dread: finals. With finals come the even more frightful final grades.
Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair that professors get to dole out final grades when we have little say over their performances (excluding ratemyprofessors.com and those lovely bubble-sheet evaluations). So, without further ado, we’d like to share our own evaluations of the institutions here at the College at Brockport, taking a little inspiration from the “superlative” section of our high school yearbooks.
Apogee — Most improved. We gave Apogee a poor rating last year (and we’re sorry about busting out the “crapogee” nickname, too.) Thankfully, this year Apogee did much better, responding to student complaints promptly. While Internet service was down in the high rises in the beginning of the year, Apogee staff took the initiative to explain the problem to those affected.
BASC — Best new makeover. With the renovation of Harrison, BASC earns the “best new makeover” title. While the food hasn’t changed much (and that’s okay, we’re rated No. 1, after all), the décor became much more sophisticated and up-to-date. We also love the flat-screen televisions. Nothing makes dinner tastier than high-tech entertainment. And we can’t forget our favorite Harrison employee Karen. We’re still rooting for her raise. The only complaint we do have is the lack of theme dinners (WOWs) this year. We might be college students, but we still enjoy the occasional trip back to childhood with Disney nights and Halloween theme dinners.
BSG — Most chaotic. This was certainly the year for surprises, with impeachments and hasty fund transfers. Not to mention some of our favorite Brockport staples — Eagle Fest — were changed up (if it’s not broke, why fix it?) We’re hoping Brock the Port makes up for some not-so-successful programs. (Anyone remember Brock-Tober Fest? We don’t either.)
Parking Services — Most annoying. We understand that prices all over are on the rise, but when we pay more we expect to get more. So where exactly are those guest-parking dollars going? Certainly not to patch up any of the dozen potholes in lot A. We’re wondering if we can get some of our parking fees back to make the necessary repairs on our vehicles. Or maybe they can employ some of those blood-hound parking ninjas to fill in the pot holes instead of writing us tickets. Just a suggestion.
Theatre Department — Most entertaining. The theatre department has blown us away this year with amazing plays and shows — particularly Hair. We also love their promotions — especially the “be-in” in the Union square. What a great way to generate publicity and excitement for an upcoming show (take notes, BSG).
Sports — Most likely to impress! Brockport sports have done remarkably well this year, and we’re proud of all our student athletes. We hope the unfilled coaching positions get sorted out, however, because we’d hate to see our teams suffer due to poor planning.
Stylus Bandit — Most pathetic. Pardon us bringing up old grievances, but we’re still upset over the paper theft in February. Silencing our press has been a big no-no since, oh we don’t know, the American Revolution. We’re not sure why someone would disrespect our writers by throwing out The Stylus, but we do know it was a weak attempt to stifle the news. After all, we recovered most of the papers and had them back in the bin the next day. Shame on you Stylus Bandit.
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