January 30th, 2007

Est. 1914 * SUNY College at Brockport

The Stylus

Resolutions for mind, body and soul
Premade for you Stylus Style

Hello and welcome back to a Stylus staff  thrilled to be back and running on full power.

We know that at New Year’s you were busy messing around under the mistletoe and you probably forgot to make your all-important resolutions for 2007, so we conveniently offer you a list and a piece of our mind. We have focused on three major departments — mind, body and soul — to make sure we have all the bases covered.

Mind: Einstein once said that the mind is a terrible thing to waste. Make it a resolution to keep yours intact.

First and foremost, to keep it active and intrigued, read The Stylus more. It is really good for you, kind of like Flintstones vitamins. In fact, you can even start writing for The Stylus.

Read other newspapers and magazines as well. There is a whole world happening out there and you will do yourself a favor by keeping informed.

Do  not, under  any circumstances, watch HBO movies more than once. It has been scientifically proven that watching Just Like Heaven three times in two days kills brain cells.

Body: In his famous song “Everybody’s Free (To WearSunscreen),” Baz Luhrmann said, “Enjoy your body ... it is the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.” Work hard to keep it in good shape. Go to the gym. It is only a stone throw away, it is free and they have new equipment. There is no reason why you should choose atrophy. You can also join an intramural sport — when else will you get a chance to sweep the ice with your best friends?

Eat more “Amazingly Gorgeous Golden Delicious Veggies” in Brockway. They may sound a little overrated, but they really do your body well, much more than the oil-drained Trax pizza that has more fat than an overweight sumo wrestler. But if you are still determined not to eat the Beautiful Broccoli, do not take it and then throw it away just because you feel guilty saying no to the Veggie Lady.

After several incidents with berserk opossums last semester, we advise you to leave them alone. Make a solemn resolution that if you see an opossum, you will not engage in any physical confrontation or in any other way provoke the little creature. It is for the benefit of your own health.

Soul: This is by far the most difficult area to satisfy.  The soul is a generally private place and only you can know what it needs. However, there are a few useful actions you can take to ensure the well-being of your spirit.

Develop meditation, so you can ignore the noise from all the construction going on around campus. It will be an especially useful skill to develop in your sleep so you don’t have to wake up under the symphony of hammer banging and heavy drilling at 6 a.m.

Try to avoid arguments with mal-humored, petty professors. Although they say they are open to any reasonable point of view, they usually are more open to their own, so there is no need to waste the effort. Keep your energy for the Weekend Getaways, at least one of which you should attend. They a lot of fun at a fraction of the real price, but even more importantly they offer variety, something your young 20-something soul is probably craving. For a change you can also volunteer for some community work; it will leave a positive aftertaste in your mouth.

These are the things we here at The Stylus think you should make your resolutions for the new year. You have the power to decide what you do, but remember we have invested a lot of blood, sweat and tears in crafting the list for you.  It really is no biggie, we do that for every issue. After all, you should expect nothing less than the extraordinary. This is our New Year’s resolution.