Health services needs a checkup

But we still love them ,and the goodie bags

As college students, we all get into stupid situations. Sometimes those stupid situations require medical attention. Thankfully, we have two great health services in our area whenever we need them. However, sometimes we need a little more than what the Hazen Health Center and Lakeside Memorial Hospital are willing to provide.

First, let it be known that Hazen provides many valuable services to the students of SUNY Brockport. The most important, of course, is the 10-condoms-for -$1 deal. How can you beat that? You could spend $10 and seduce an entire sports team. This service goes hand-in-hand with the sign on the wall of the health center that reads “SUNY Brockport does not have the highest STD rate in the country,” don’t you think?

Speaking of sexually transmitted diseases, the health center also provides HIV testing, along with general STD testing for the students, pregnancy tests and gynecological exams. They even provide the morning-after pill when it is necessary.

However, not every student is sexually active. So, when a female student comes in for a health concern, no matter what it is, it is not necessary to insinuate she is pregnant. When a girl has to argue with a nurse who doesn’t believe her, what sort of message does this send to the female student body?

Hazen also provides awesome programs like Bodywise. “Bodywise is a clinical weight management program designed to help significantly overweight students enhance their overall health through weight loss and maintenance,” according to its Web site. This is a good thing to have on our campus, which was once voted the ninth fattest campus in the country. They also provide other services like the Sports Medicine Clinic for athletes and $20 massages. Whoever had the idea of providing massages on campus deserves a raise!

Hazen also has those super convenient ache, wound and cold self-care kits. They are free and come with tons of goodies to get you feeling better. They also provide free “quit-smoking kits,” which contain, among other things, candy and a birthday candle.

Really, Hazen? A birthday candle? Do you really think a birthday candle is going to convince apathetic 20-year-old college students to quit smoking? It won’t. Why not also throw in some Nicoderm CQ samples? New York State Quits provides them for free, so getting them wouldn’t be a problem. You could try including some graphic pictures of damaged lungs or pictures of different cancers caused by smoking — sort of a “scared straight” program for smokers.

All in all, Hazen has our backs. They help make us healthy again. They give us free goodies, cheap condoms and the Web site has a link that shows you where to sign up for medical drug trials. Imagine all the zonies you could buy with the $600 you got for participating in a drug trial for scurvy! My only regret is that when they are closed after 4:45 p.m. weekdays, after 2 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays, they redirect us to Lakeside Memorial Hospital.

Now, if Hazen has the back of all students, and their main concern is our safety, Lakeside Memorial Hospital is a horse of a different color. When a student’s foot looks like it is about to explode, do not make that student wait three hours. More importantly, do not make that student watch a “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” marathon. When a student is upset and asks a nurse a question, that nurse should realize that this student is still a person and touching their face inappropriately is a good way to get sued. 

Not all college students are drug abusing alcoholics, so do not treat us as such. If we are taking time to go to a hospital, rest assured there is probably a legitimate reason for it. Otherwise, we would just go to Hazen, because they are nicer. The health care professionals at Hazen Health Center are wonderful people and make us feel welcome — even if we are bleeding from the eye sockets. They also have free stuff, which, like we already said, makes us feel better just beacause it’s free.